


I wish we can breathe in tandem one more time

by CrystalStar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Chocolate, Crying, Hospitals, M/M, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, One Shot, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 22:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalStar/pseuds/CrystalStar
Summary: Remus' body can't handle the transformations anymore and Sirius can't handle it.





	I wish we can breathe in tandem one more time

**Author's Note:**

> My first wolfstar fic so I hope you enjou\\\  
> I intend to fill this with other one-shots so stay tuned

Remus laid on the hospital bed with eyes closed and shallow breathing. The scars on his face stood out because of the paleness of his skin. His hair covered his face and Sirius pushed it out of his eyes multiple times over the days of being there.

Sirius' face was covered with tears. His eyes lifeless because his life was on his death bed. How come he had to be bitten? How come his father couldn't look him in the eye anyone? How come Remus had to deal with all this weight on his shoulders. His weary eyes that hide behind that half smile of his that made Sirius fall in love even more. 

Sirius wanted to go out and fight. He wanted to cause pain to whoever did this but he couldn't. He couldn't because Remus never wanted revenge on the one who bit him. He never wanted to get payback and Sirius never understood why until now. Maybe it because they couldn't help it either.

Remus' body couldn't handle the transformation anymore. At sixteen years old his body is finally give up. Sirius tried to stop thinking about it. He tried to stop his mind but it wasn't working. Words passed behind his eyelids and thoughts wouldn't stop making themselves known.

Remus was eleven when he boarded the train as a nervous first year. Yes, he was excited because he was finally able to attend school but he didn't want to be ridiculed. He didn't want to be casted out for something he had no choice in. Grabbing the attention of two other boys and a third follower, he became a valued member of their makeshift family.

Remus was fifteen when he first fell asleep on Sirius' chest. He was tired after his full moon and just crashed on the couch. Sirius looked over at James who just smirked at him. Sirius eventually relaxed and began to run his fingers through his friend's hair. Remus curled into his body and tighten his arms around Padfoot's waist. That was the most Sirius smiled in a long time.

Remus Lupin at sixteen lying in a hospital bed because he body is finally shutting down. And oh how Sirius wanted to hug him one last time to tell him how he felt, and to just hold him again. To hold him the same way he did whenever Remus took and impromptu nap. It hurt remembering the events that happened. It hurt remembering the good times and the way the laughed so carelessly. 

James walked in and brought food knowing that Sirius hasn't eaten much since it all started. He left it there for him and ignored the body lying on the bed. 

He new this was going to be hard on Sirius but he never thought it would be this hard. He never thought that Sirius would be on his deathbed too. Off he went, trying to go find a shell shocked Peter. 

Sirius was there when Remus squeezed his hand for the final time and he was there when Remus took his last breath. Distantly, he could she Madame Pomphrey pushing him away trying to get to he friend but he knew. He knew.

His parents would be happy knowing that Remus was dead. They would boast in his face about it and he wasn't sure he could keep his mouth shut. He never kept his mouth shut in a good day, but this was too personal, too raw for him to not stand up and say something. It was worth the torture he would get from his mom. It was worth the disappointed looks he would get from his brother. It was all worth it because Remus was worth it. Even if he didn't believe it, he was worth the world in Sirius ' eyes because he was himself.

Remus read the books and wore god-awful sweaters all the time. He was the mastermind of all their pranks and the one to get them out of detentions all the time. He was the one who could sweet talk any teacher and could make Sirius smile all the time. He took long ass showers and could read over twenty books in one week. His love for chocolate was overwhelming. The man could go through ten packs in a day. They were his drug and Sirius loved him for it. He always loved him. He will always love him because Remus wasn't who he thought he would be.

Sirius knew that Remus was tired. He knew that Remus didn't want this burden. He heard him crying at night and observed him picking at the scars that littered his whole body. He saw the way Moony's eyes for darker as the years went by. Now, he was finally in peace and it took all Sirius has to accept that. It took everything in him to not be angry at his friend. To not want to go over and shake the living hell of a Remus ' body and demand that he wake up. To demand him to stay just a little while longer.

And as Remus' casket was lowered into the ground, he lost it. Screams tore at his throat and tears clouded his vision. He could feel the burn in his throat and the hysteria taking over his mind. To escape the hands and to escape the words that tried to be soothing, he transformed into Padfoot even though it hurt to remember why he learned how to in the first place. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do it again so he ran and ran. He ran until the words stopped on their own so he didn't have to claw himself. He ran until he saw no more except trees. He ran until he felt nothing but the wind against his face.

Sirius knew he would never be alright. He knew that his life changed for the worst once again. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to recover from this. Not this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guess think. I love feedback


End file.
